Stand Up and Shine Challenge #2

Here goes the challenge for day two....

1- What are patterns of actions you notice that you frequently do to fill a void, escape reality, or to try to mask over uncomfortable feelings?

 Well, I'd say the ones that are most common. Look at instagram is probably what I do most. FB----sometimes. But it usually stresses me out. Netflix----sometimes. It just depends if there is actually a show I like and I am pretty picky about shows. Most of the time I think they are all pretty horrible. But, if I find one I like I'll watch an episode or two a night. As of late, mostly I just lie down on the couch and close my eyes or sleep. I best escape reality in a show, though. Or through instagram (in ten minute increments throughout the day ha)

2- What could you fill the void you feel with instead?

I think one thing I could do more of is what I'm doing right now----writing. Time is spent better writing because my brain can actually release some steam and some thoughts and exercise a bit. I think reading would also be great. I have had a hard time reading since having kids because I used to be able to sit down and read for however long I want, but kids seeing their mom open a book = I NEED MOM NOW. But still, I think reading a book in increments of ten minutes a day would be more refreshing. Going to bed earlier would also always be a great option. Practicing the bass/guitar.

3- How would your world change if you filled the voids you feel with more positive and self improving choices?
 It would definitely feel more happy! I think that I'd feel more happy because I'd feel more whole instead of just more distracted. The fillers that just distract you and take up your time add nothing to you and leave you more worn out over time. I think other things that are positive and self-improving help build you up.

4- I want to fill my cracks with light because... (finish the sentence) At the end of my life I want to look back on it and see LIGHT and joy. Not survival, not tiredness, not years upon years of pessimistic brain fog. I want to look back and see things clearly in the light that they were. That's up to me and no one else. And boy, is it hard.

Below I've picked 4 things to do tomorrow that will replace ten minutes that I would normally spend checking social media. That's 40 minutes of positive energy brought into the world that would have otherwise been lost.

1- Send a text to a friend to brighten their day

2- Write a quick note to encourage someone

3- Make a phone call to that person you’ve been putting off catching up with

4- Spend more time with your kids, spouse, friend, or someone you love

5- Go for a walk

6- Plant a flower

7- Read a chapter of a book

8- Take your neighbor a treat

9- Create something (draw, color, paint, etc)

10- Journal

My struggle and the Stand Up and Shine Challenge #1

So, I have been struggling people. Physically mentally and mostly just those two, ha. I think back to last year before October hit, and I was FLYING HIGH. Dahlia was old enough that she was gaining some independence. Aida was now in Kindergarten, Cypress was also gaining more independence and was doing better health-wise.I was getting my body back! I was feeling better health-wise. I felt like my mind and creativity was coming back to me. I felt like my old self was coming back to me, new and improved. And I also knew, I wanted one more kid. Karey and I both. And that was so intimidating to me because everything was flowing if you know what I mean. The kind of flow that just makes you straight up content every day (almost). The kind of content where you sit back and are like, "My family is the bomb. I'm the bomb. Life is the bomb." And then the truth bomb hits. This family isn't complete, no matter how bad I wanted it to be because of its flow and the feelings of being done I had, and how I just wanted it to stay easy, and get easier and easier. But, when I thought of my family in the future, with teenagers, I still wanted more.

When Karey and I were engaged, we said we wanted six kids. After our first-born, that dropped to five. After our second, we said 3-4. Once our third was born, it was like, "Hey, this is nice. We could be done!.....?" Having a family is not this big smiling picture frame that just stays happy and energetic and fun all the time. It is work ALL THE TIME. Work that is not about you, unless you're looking for some imperfections to perfect. And for someone who considers herself a realist (which others consider a pessimist), it sure is exhausting to be expecting reality all the time, which usually isn't what you want or what you planned it to be. But, what having a family IS, is worth it. It fills in all the cracks of life. It creates cracks too, but they are MINOR compared to life without family. Family is life. You can't even be born without a family. Whether they or you are a part of eachothers' life, every single living human has a family tree. Families create society. They create communities. They create CULTURES. They create citizens, nations. Together, we all make up the world. How can something so large and so vital, be thought to be so easy? The funny thing is there are some people that think it will just be fun and easy (like I did). And, there are the ones who recognize it for what it is. A life that no longer is about you. Instead, it is about everyone around you. But what they don't see is everything it fills in an empty soul. Loving people to the extent that you would give yourself up is something too intense to explain.And too beautiful to explain. It creates humility, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, understanding and SO many more characteristics that, quite frankly, I think are dying out of society. Yes, they are there in small things and in small ways, but what about in deep ways? In the ways that matter when everything is stripped away from you and you really have to see yourself for who you are and who you have let yourself become deep inside? Scary stuff, that is. BUT, back to the point. Families are worth the exhaustion. Back before the boom in technology and  mass production, family was  the pride of people's lives. That has faded now. But it doesn't change the families undying necessity in the plot of  our lives and the building of societies. So, when I thought about how at the moment, I really was too anxious to want another kid, but how in the future, I wanted one more. I knew I just had to jump in, or stay content with my decision of three kids. I didn't want to do the latter (see note*) So, beginning of October is when the flow turned into a brick wall and the content feeling was straight up gone. I had never had morning sickness as bad as this time around, and I could barely function throughout the day. I told myself I just needed to make it to middle of November, because usually I start to feel good around twelve weeks. Well that passed and I still wasn't back to functioning status. My husband was overworked from doing EVERYTHING including his work while I laid on the couch wondering if I was actually maybe just dying. Thanksgiving passed, which we skipped because everyone was sick, I had thrown up and peed my pants, and felt horrible and not very thankful (WHAT?!selfish. I know.)Christmas came and passed and I was just glad that I made it through it. The house was a mess and it was probably the least Christmas-y Christmas my kids will have experienced in their lives, so good thing they're too young to remember anyways.Then the first week of January came. The NEW YEAR, bringing with it promises of sunshine and happiness and hopefully feeling better. And I did start to feel better for a week, until the whole family got hit with the flu. Fast forward two weeks later and we're all just barely recouping AND we finally have our ultrasound! Well, a day before the ultra-sound right when I was seeing the light after one of the most horrible flues ever, I got a horrible horrible sinus infection (and could only take acetametaphin! That's like taking water pills!!). At that ultra-sound, we found out we were having twins. Woooooooo. That's about as far as my excitement went at the time. I was so exhausted from being exhausted all fall, and then so exhausted and emotionally shot from sick kids and sick me and sick husband for the last two weeks, and exhausted from the left side of my face and head throbbing unceasingly, I honestly couldn't even REGISTER twins. If I pictured myself watching myself in a out-of-body type of experience I could kind of disconnect enough to be like "What?!Twins?!" and that was all. Fast forward to now, and everyone has been healthy for a total of like 5 days now. I'm still exhausted but maybe seeing the light at the end of this horrible flu season that I would kill if I could! And we've got about two months before these two little angels come and join us. And  now that I've gotten a bit more sleep and am emotionally a bit more stable I can feel excited! Or at least I can see the time coming where I feel really excited. But I definitely have a lot of energy work to do on myself mentally and emotionally before these two sweet babes come. What I can say is I in no way regret choosing to have one more and getting two! It makes me emotional thinking about how in the end I will get what I always wanted, a big family! And I will have put in the work for it. And that makes me feel good about myself. Does that mean I'll be the best kindest awesomest mom ever? No. But I don't care, I'm just going to do my best. And one thing you learn quickly is, yes, you teach your kids, but they are already a grown soul inside of that small body. They know who they are, and who they'll be come, all you can do is teach them right from wrong and give them someone who loves them the entire way through life! And that is beautiful.

So, to help me have more energy and fix myself a bit mentally and emotionally, I chose to do this Stand Up and Shine challenge. I follow Ashley Lemieux on Instagram and love her force for good. She has helped so so many people through The Shine Project (an organization she created that I love) and she also has been going through a major loss right now that no one would ever want to experience, the loss of her two children. That hits home hard for me. I'm not the girl that naturally wanted to be a mom and being a mom didn't and still doesn't come natural, but I would never ever in my life wish it away. It's too precious.Anyways, she is suffering but trying hard to push through and still be strong and still be productive and still shine and still find joy in life regardless of her pains. I want to do that too. The Day 1 challenge is "yes, you can!" or "yes, I can!" Everyone has their things that they feel like they can't do. And currently for me, I am having a hard time feeling like I have enough energy to think I can do anything. Literally. But I want to make this more emotional and mental for myself. So, I have been having a hard time feeling like I have enough energy to feel or act happy. I've been having a hard time feeling like I have enough energy to put POSITIVE energy back into my kids. I've been having a hard time feeling like I have enough mental energy to just be hopeful or optimistic about the future. When you are so shot physically, it  takes your mental and emotional state right along with it. But, I CAN BE HOPEFUL and I CAN be optimistic about the future. It's my choice. What my brain doesn't want to let me realize is how draining  it is to be down and not hopeful and pessimistic. I don't know if it drains me more quickly than if I were to be hopeful, because I've never tried it before. So here is to testing.So, this is my "i can" statement.

Yes. I can be a hopeful optimistic person.
Yes, I can make it through hard things, even if I don't want to go through them.

* This post is completely personal, meaning personal to my life. I don't think having one or five kids is better. I just have always wanted more, and was having a hard time committing to it because I was feeling content, as stated. What I DO think, is that having one kid is better than having none. Kids are the best!

Why You Never Feel Relaxed

I was sitting there so so frustrated. Why do I never have the time to do the things I want to do? Like relax a little, write on my blog, etc...(the list is way too long). All I want to do is have a break! But I do normally watch something (at least attempt  to) to help me feel like I got a little break. But, I never actually feel any better after I do it. Sometimes when I don't want to cook, we go somewhere, feel extremely dissatisfied with the food, and it feels like it wasn't actually a break. I actually get quite a bit of breaks ever day, so why aren't they feeling like breaks?And, why am I still feeling unproductive?

Then it hit me, the first thing in my list was to relax a little.

When I think back to my childhood and what it was like during the day and evening at my house with my parents, I remember a lot of cleaning, a lot of yard work, a lot of assigned jobs, a lot of dishes being done, a lot of bills and taxes being paid, a lot of cooking. What I don't remember is a lot of relaxing.

I was talking to my friend the other day, and she said that she has been more tired than she has been in years. This was completely blowing her mind, because for the past few years she has been going to bed between midnight and one in the morning, and just recently they have been going to bed at eleven. Her husband works full time and is also currently getting his masters degree. So, he comes home from work, eats, helps put the kids to bed, and then does homework until about eleven. So, the only time they have together is the time they are willing to stay up late. She said during that time she felt more energetic than she does now, going to bed at eleven when he finishes homework. Interesting, yes. Surprising? Not really. Have you ever noticed that the later you sleep, the more grumpy you are, or the more tired you are throughout the rest of the day? AND IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY GOT SLEEP! Well, what I have come to realize is that when I go to bed way too late, my body runs of some sort of adrenaline the next day. Like, it is in survival mode. Then, when I go to bed earlier to get more rest ( like at eleven) I actually just end up more tired because I am not hitting my adrenaline survival mode, but I also am just plain not getting enough sleep. So, that means I need to go to bed even earlier! I'm talking like 9:30 or 10:00.

But. Wait.

That is around the time I finish getting the kitchen cleaned up and the house even slightly organized. So, where is my time to relax? Watch a show? Eat a snack?

Back to my parents. I don't ever recall them "watching a show" or a movie for that matter, during the week. Even then, I recall only a few times even seeing them watch something on the weekend.

My epiphany you ask? My epiphany is this: Our generation is so so set on finding time to relax, that we never feel like we can relax. Watching a show every night never feels satisfying. Playing games daily doesn't seem like a break. Going to the movie weekly never feels satisfying. Going out to eat has become "blah" and nothing special.Going to the pool during the week is sometimes stressful. What I am confused about is how subtly and quietly we all somehow got the idea that we are supposed to have a break from life EVERY. SINGLE.DAY.OF.OUR.LIVES!Why oh why, when I am exhausted from my kids, do I want to just lay there for hours and eat crap and watch shows?Why don't I just remember, "Oh yeah, this is the work week."

It's like my kids who ask to go to the Maverik everyday to buy a drink or want candy every single day or want to play with cousins every single day or want to eat cereal every single day(haha!). My Man and I tell them, if it happens everyday it isn't special. It will stop feeling special.

My friends, if you are feeling unsatisfied in your everyday life because you feel overworked, yet you are doing something "relaxing" everyday, my challenge is to stop doing that thing. Think of the week as what it is, a work week, and then do your best to work the heck out of that week. Not only will you find more time to do the things you actually want to do, but I think you might feel like when you watch a show on the weekend or you go to a concert or a movie or out to eat, you actually ARE getting a break or relaxing, because it's not so normal anymore.

My family reunion's motto last year was "Work answereth all." And it does. Work, go to bed early (earlier than eleven) and wake up early, and do what you're supposed to do. Work. And then on the weekend, do what you're supposed to do:work again. And then take a little break, and my guess is that you will have one heck of a productive week and that little break will feel oh so good, just like it did for my parents.

This is what I am going to be trying---so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to bed now, at 10:59....at least it's not eleven yet....and if this didn't make sense to you, just pretend you didn't read it.....

Product Review: Nesco Pressure Cooker

Recently our rice cooker broke. The little tab that you press down to start the cooking process just stopped staying down and would mess up the rice. To me, it wasn't a big deal because I kind of don't think it is THAT big of a help that it stops cooking automatically when the rice is done, I'd rather have one less appliance. So, I was cooking our rice in a regular pot and was going to get rid of the rice cooker. 

But, My Man would have none of it. He was going to get me a rice cooker if it was the last thing he did! Even though I didn't even tell him I wanted one haha. The TRUTH is, he wanted a pressure cooker and he loves going to this kitchen appliance store with the girls. So, one day he took them in and came out with the new Nesco Pressure Cooker, Rice Cooker (see? we needed it), Slow cooker, Steamer and Browner (whatever that means). Guys, this thing isn't cheap but also isn't a life decision like buying a Blendtec or a Bosch. I am pretty sure he said he got it for around 100, but you can get it on Amazon for significantly less! Check here. We do enjoy supporting small businesses, though, so we buy from that appliance store.

So far, I have loved it. You can put raw meat in loaded with vegetables and have steamy hot stew with tender meat within twenty minutes. We eat so much stew, and we like the meat to be extra tender, so we love that aspect. I've also used its slow cooker setting which worked really great. Apparently you can do ribs in it and cheesecake! There are a ton of recipes that I will be trying. I currently have ribs in the freezer and cream cheese in the fridge. I love the fact that it does so many things, and all in one pretty decently sized appliance. The size is a big pro, but also kind of a con for us. We make our own large batches of broths and so we need something big that can fit a lot of great stuff into it, so sadly we still have our huge slow cooker (which we also bought from the same appliance store and which I also equally love), but now we have two big things. We have to keep our big one for the broths, but it is so big that if I just want to slow cook a dinner there is not enough stuff in there for it to reach the minimum fill line. Life is hard, I know. Sigh. But then I get over it and move on.

I love our Nesco pressure cooker and its size and the fact that you can seal the lid on. So, if you are looking for a slow cooker that does dinner sized meals, a rice cooker, a pressure cooker that is bomb, and something that will also steam or brown your food, this is the thing for you!

*This review isn't sponsored at all. It's all true and hopefully helpful.

Everything is okay.

When is the last time that you thought that to yourself, and you weren't just trying to calm yourself down? When is the last time you actually felt that? That feeling of security----that everything is okay. Not that it is going to be okay, but that it just already is. Until about a half an hour ago, I don't remember the last time I thought or felt that. But just like children always do, they shift our perspective and offer us light.
I'm not aiming for any type of romanticism in this piece. This is the real deal. Perfection does exist.


I was trying to put my ten month old to sleep. Our little, loving peaceful Dahli Mama (don't worry, she still poops and cries and gets sick and wants to be held 24/7 just like every other kid) but she does all of that while still having that spirit inside of her.Her innate character. I was trying to put her to sleep, but she just wasn't feeling well. Her tummy was gurgling and she was just flip flopping in my arms. I thought maybe she just wanted to be laid down, but she didn't. I unwrapped her (she was swaddled) and sat on the floor with her laying on my chest. And she was happy. She slept and I could smell her sweet little banana-breast milk baby breath. Have you ever smelled baby breath? There is a reason there is a flower named after it. Smelling baby breath is like smelling life in the making. Fresh and unwritten.

The fact that I, her mother, held her on my chest made everything okay for her. That just blew my mind while sitting there. For my baby, at that moment everything was perfectly okay. She was perfectly safe. Perfectly comforted. Perfectly loved. She felt all of that. And, it all came from me. In that moment, I did a few things, perfectly.

Have we forgotten that everything is okay? Not all the time, but, a lot of the time it is. We just forget or choose not to acknowledge it.

Right now, the world could use more moments...minutes of perfection. We could use more feelings of, "Everything is okay." Because when we feel that, it means we feel loved, or we feel secure, or we feel hopeful or faithful.We feel accepting, understanding.
We need much less moments and minutes, and days and years of nervous or disappointed distraction. Moments of fear. Moments of making it through. For some people, those latter feelings are not an option (and for you who think they are, think again, my friends), BUT, for most people, they are. Own it. Change it.
I happen to be a person who lathers myself in those latter thoughts and feelings and actions, but I also know I can fight them. I want to. Because in that moment of perfection, when holding my baby, when I told her "Everything is okay," and I actually believed it, I felt free. And freedom is most likely the feeling truly most sought after by humans.Freedom from trial, freedom from flaws, freedom from pain, freedom from themselves, freedom from the man. FREEDOM. People die for it every day. Tonight, I felt why they do that.

Right now, if you are reading this, everything is okay. I'm telling you, it is. If you don't feel it. Go hug someone. If you don't have someone to hug, go read a poem. If you don't have a poem to read, sing a really great song. Our lives are what we make of each moment. What's happening in the White House right now? Don't care. What's Just Bieber doing? Don't care. Are we going to have enough money for those bills? Don't care. What's happening in Russia? DON'T care. Don't care. A lot of the time I choose not to know about what's going on because I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But right now, I don't care what people think. They call it ignorance, I call it being human. Right now, everything is okay. And I love that. And, I love that a ten month old taught me that.

Father's Day

I love Father's Day, because I love my dad. And, because there are a lot of dad's out there that I love and respect. I love all of my uncles, I love My Man's dad, I love my brother's who are dads, etc. But, I hate that Father's Day just flies by like nothing for the most part. Mother's Day on the other hand, wow. And, gross. Talk about a money making day. And so I just want to acknowledge right off of the bat, I don't want Father's Day to become what Mother's Day is, but in general, I do feel like mothers are way more celebrated than fathers. I do wish the day came and there was more of a pause and thought during it than there is now. Because the truth is, a father is needed in a child's life just as much as the mother. Yes, the mother usually does the raising, but I think Mother's Day is a celebration of motherhood---taking someone's life and becoming an active part of it. It is not a celebration of the actual taking care of the kids....and Father's Day is just the same. A celebration of fatherhood--- taking someone's life and being an active participant in it. Influencing it for the good. But, as of right now (and the past who knows how many years) I feel like Mother's Day is national "let all of us women remind our husbands how important we are(and they better acknowledge it) and how much heavy stuff we go through raising these kids of theirs". I'm not saying that is what you think, but the fact that Mother's Day is this big she-bang "how could we survive without our mothers!" and then father's day is like, "Oh, hey pops. Love ya." Society has told the family that father's are less important, and it just aint the truth. And we wonder why there are more absent fathers than mothers in the family unit throughout the world. When someone is told their role is less important, they believe it and they treat it that way. Both are just as needed. So, dad, Happy Father's Day. You shaped all the parts of me that mom didn't. And mom, Happy Mother's Day, you shaped all the parts of me that dad didn't. And while I'm at it. Happy Me Day, because I shaped all the parts that they didn't. Also, Happy Father's Day to my awesome My Man, because he sure has being an active and present participant in his children's lives down. Aint no denyin' that!

Onto what we did for Father's Day.

We ate. Because that is what My Man loves best. We did buy him some gifts, like some potted mint plants (all different varieties) and a corn tortilla press (yum) and....I forget what else.

The girls cooked him eggs and toast for breakfast and did it themselves. Number one cracked one egg and girly two cracked the second. They put the toast in the toaster and buttered it.

For dinner we did Shrimp Scampi and then a fresh fruit tart pie for dessert.

The Shrimp Scampi recipe I used was this one, and I loved it. It was the first time I have ever cooked shrimp (seafood is creepy), but I did it just for him. And, it was probably the second or third time eating shrimp in my entire life (I only ate two of them. Baby steps...)After he saw me eat those two shrimps like a total boss, he pretty much wanted to make out because I owned it that much, but alas, it was five o'clock and the girlies were there so aint none of that happenin'. This is one of those great examples of how seeing your significant other doing things they don't like to do that you do like to do makes you love them more. I would highly recommend the recipe because I did it, which means it is easy. But the flavors were very well balanced and I really did like it. And, the shrimp was decent!

My Man had said he wanted a fruit tart for dessert, but I don't yet own a tart pan :/ It is something that will be added to my "want" list. Because I LOVE fruit tarts. So, I decided to just do a fruit tart pie. Pretty much the same thing! My mom makes this BOMB fresh strawberry cream pie and I could literally eat a whole pie (okay actually probably only half) in one sitting. So, I basically just did that recipe. I baked a pie crust that turned out magnificent and flaky and crusty.This is the recipe I used. Then I took 8 oz of softened cream cheese and blended it up with a teastpoon of vanilla and a half cup of sugar. That is the cream! You bake the pie crust and when it is completely cooled, you smear ALL of that cream cheese mixture all over the inside of the pie shell. Then you can fill it with whatever sliced up fruit you want. This time I did strawberry slices, blueberries and some canned mandarin oranges and then I squeezed some lime juice and mixed it with sugar and drizzled it all over the fruit. And it was .SO. good. You have to experience it to believe it. Plus, it's easy to make.

Happy late Father's Day to all the awesome men out there doing their best! We need you all.

You Know Life Is Good When...#4

Your little kids fall asleep with a smile on their face.

Melting on the inside right now.

Lose Yourself---Find Yourself

Is that a vague title? I think it is. But, I just love Eminem so who cares. It's actually more of a love hate relationship...

Lately I have been feeling super inspired, pretty happy overall, more driven than normal, and just excited about my future and the future of my family. This is weird for me. And I feel like I can credit most of it to one thing: Letting go of the vision I have had of myself over the past ten years or so, and deciding to create a new vision, a new me.

When I first got engaged I feel like I had finally just settled down into the person that I had been trying so long to find, and then I got married. I felt sure of my character and what I wanted to do and what I liked to spend my time doing. I felt sure about the people I was surrounded by and about my friendships. And then, I got pregnant right away. And I think that I can say that was the beginning of the deterioration of the person I had taken so long to finally get to know and understand and love. It was a slow, but sure process. I had all these ideas of what I was supposed to be as a wife and now as a mother. I was working and in school while pregnant, and then also after i had the baby. That was tough for My Man and I. He was also working full time and also doing school. We were living in my sister-in-law's basement, and thinking back on it all and myself, boy was I a mess (sorry Janae!). I felt like I was trying to jump on a bosu ball with on foot, while holding a baby.(That's the best comparison I can think of right now).

The thing is, I knew I was confused about myself as a mother and myself as a wife, but I had no idea what to do about it. I kept feeling like I just needed to get back to the "old" me. The one I knew and felt comfortable in being, but it felt impossible(and, it was impossible), and that is a hard thing to come to terms with.

Two years later, I had another baby. And, I don't say that in a droopy monotonous tone. Even though I was struggling with myself, I always was really excited and happy about making a family with My Man. I love love loved my girls since the second I knew they were in there (though, I can't say I love pregnancy much at all). Everything in my family life was moving forward and being awesome and all that, and overall I was happy, but I felt like I was stuck behind, trying to still find my feet to run up and join My Man and the girls.

This summer is going to be My man's and mine five year anniversary. Entering the big numbers now, yo! Just kidding. I can't believe it's only been five years. Obviously, we still have so much more time to go. But, right now I feel like I am finally finding myself. I have realized the old me is LONG GONE. See ya later, chica. I get to create a new me. The core characteristics all remain, but after becoming a mother, you have a new part of you that needs to be defined. And, that happens with each kid that is born (at least it does for me). I love fitness, and it will still be a huge part of my life, but in a different way. I love writing, but it needs to be different than it was before, so it is going to be. I love music, but I am going to need to find how to bring that into my life in a way that fits better. I love being happy, and I am going to have to re-create what happy is for me, so that I can actually be it.And, I have found so many new things in life that interest me and that excite me.

It only took me five years to realize that I need to stop looking back, and start building a path forward. It only took me losing a part of myself(sorry My Man!) to realize that it is up to me to re-define myself.

So, to all you awesome strong mothers(or anyone, really) out there, struggling to catch a breath and remember who you are, or to even feel like you know yourself and that maybe you are actually on good terms with yourself, you just need to remember, what you were is gone. The questions is, who do you want to be now? What characteristics do you want to keep from before? What new ones do you want? It's a blank slate, baby. And I'm lovin' it.

Tonsillectomy on Children: Would Your Kid Benefit From It?

My second little girl got her tonsils removed, and she is only two! Apparently there are special cases where children can get them out younger, but generally they say the youngest is age two. I feel like it had been a long time coming just because I always had a feeling she would need them out since she was little. She has always had very poor drainage in her nose and her ears, and for some reason when she gets sick a nasty cough stays around for months on end. Honestly, had that been the only problem I probably would have either held off a lot longer or just never done it. But, one day I heard her breathing while she was napping, and it scared me. She was kind of propped up on the couch and her head had kind of fallen sideways and I heard her struggling to breathe. She was wheezing pretty badly, and she couldn't get any deep breaths. After a few minutes of that kind of shallow breathing, she would stop breathing, and then her body would jolt awake, and she'd quickly fall back asleep again, and it would happen repeatedly. After observing her (I'm not the only one who observes my children before freaking out, I know it!) I went to go move her head and lay her down so that she would be able to breathe better. I thought it was just the positioning of her head that was causing her breathing to be like that. I went and laid her down and straightened out her neck, but she kept breathing the same. No matter the position I put her head in, she couldn't breathe well or deeply and kept stop breathing and then waking up and falling back to sleep. I don't know if she had been doing this since forever (I don't think so), or if her tonsils had just gotten bigger since growing more. Either way, I wanted to get it checked out quickly because it freaked me out. My dad has sleep apnea, so I thought it could be that, but also, a lot of her cousins have gotten their tonsils removed for breathing problems and I actually have huge tonsils too, so I thought right away that it was tonsils. I contacted an ear nose and throat doctor and made an appointment. They said her tonsils were pretty big and that her adenoids(at the lower back of the nasal passage) were probably large as well. He said that if we removed the tonsils he would check out the adenoids and if they were pretty large too, he'd take them out. He also said that her breathing would definitely improve and that the duration of her sickness would probably go down. So, after thinking about it (for not that long), we decided to go ahead and do it. They scheduled her for a month out, which was so stressful trying to keep her healthy until the surgery date because she gets sick so easily and often! But, Heavenly Father blessed us and she made it to the surgery date without getting sick :)

When we got there, they had us give her a nasty mix of some medicine and weird juice that would make her loopy, so she wouldn't notice us not going back with her to the surgery room (so sad!) and so that they could put in her i.v. without her freaking out. I wanted to cry the whole time, and she was just so dang cute the entire time I wanted to huge and cuddle the living daylights out of her. The surgery only took about thirty minutes and then they had her stay back in a room for a little while she woke up.

I had the other two girls with me and I was going to go drop one of them off at a cousin's house for the day while My Man rode with my girly girl back to her recoup room (which was in a different building) in the ambulance. I am SO glad that he went with her instead of me, because he said that when he went back there after she had come to, she was screaming her little guts out hitting everyone and pulling all the cords and there were a bunch of nurses around her trying to calm her down and have her not rip anything out. She was absolutely terrified, and so My Man went and grabbed her right up and within a few minutes she had fallen asleep in his lap. All the nurses were pretty happy about that. Had it been me that went back there, I would have started crying and not been able to calm her down. Ha! What a tough mom I am, I know.

I met My Man and her at her recoup hospital room, and she started crying when she saw me and then I got all teary eyed and tried really hard not to cry because all the nurses were there and would have thought I was a lameeeee-o.  But I cried a little anyways and held her with all those tubes and she fell asleep. After her medicine started wearing off, she was really thirsty and chugged a ton of juice. Then she threw it up which was pretty traumatic for her. Then she chugged some more---then threw it up which was doubl-y traumatic for her. Then they gave her some nausea medicine through her i.v. and she started perking right up. She drank a ton of water, ate a lot of mashed potatoes and chicken noodle soup at the lunch time and took a few good naps. By the afternoon (the surgery had taken place at like 6:30 in the morning) she was riding a little car all around the hospital hallways and wanting to just play in their toy room. Once the doctor came and checked on her and saw how she was doing, he sent us home at about 3:30! I was pretty happy about that and she was too because she wanted dad :)

The next week and a half of nights was insane and pretty much torture. She would wake up screaming and screaming and was inconsolable. She would just scream herself back to sleep. My Man and I would switch off shifts with her. But between her and my youngest baby's feedings, I was dying. And My Man was too because most of the time he would end up taking my shift because all she wanted was "Daddy!!!" One day she'll love me, one day.

They had me alternating her on ibuprofen and acetaminophen. At the beginning I was giving her some every 2-3 hours depending on which medicine it was (ibuprofen needs to be spaced further apart). After about three days of that I got a feeling she wasn't sleeping good and was going cuckoo ( I kid you not. She was extremely bipolar) because of the constant doses of ibuprofen. So, I stopped it and she got way more normal very quickly. She had also started complaining about her head hurting which I know was her body wanting more ibuprofen and getting hooked on that. So I was anxious to start spreading out the doses, lowering them, and then taking her off of it (that all happened in like a two day span). Her head stopped hurting when I stopped giving her ibuprofen.

Most of this time she ate otter ice pops, and frozen gogurts. I made sure to have some homemade chicken broth on hand for her to actually get some nourishment and salty satisfaction into her appetite, because believe it or not, it's not that fun to eat sugar all day (no way? Yes, way.). the day after she came home she drank a whole cup of it through a straw, but she didn't do that again for the rest of her recoup ha. Her body needed it though! She hated ice cream and I actually had read that most people that get their tonsils out find no solace in ice cream or shakes because it leaves a thick dairy coat in their throat that makes them cough. So, stick with sorbet if you are going to do an ice-cream type treat. She didn't eat yogurt either other than the frozen gogurts, and the only reason I think she ate those was because so little of it comes off at a time. She LOVED to eat pudding though. Chocolate vanilla swirl and tapioca. For about the last week, that was the only food she could feel fine eating.She also always wanted to try eating eggs in the mornings, and some days it worked out fine and some days it just hurt too bad. We also had bought a whole bunch of different types of juices and let her drink whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, because the most important thing is that they stay hydrated and that their throat doesn't get too dry because then it hurts more. We bought coconut water which was amazing. Both of my girls love it, and I felt better about her drinking that than all that awful juice (sidenote: I hate juice.).

Pain scale and day scale:
Days 1-2 went pretty good and the pain wasn't too bad.
Days 3-5 she was going cuckoo but her pain wasn't that bad
Days 5-7 she acted okay but the pain intensified. It was probably it's worst on day seven which stressed me out because I had been telling myself "just get to day seven. It will be better by then." I talked to my sister-in-law whose son had gotten his out at about age five and she said days 7-11 were the absolute worst for him. That was hard to hear, but I just told myself I could do it. The great thing about it all was that I knew exactly what was wrong. Her throat was healing. It wasn't some mystery illness where I'm normally like, "Should I take her in? Is that normal? What's wrong with her?! Is she slowly dying!?"That was my only solace in these couple of weeks.
days 7-11: She got much much better! In fact, on day 8 I was planning on another awful day, but it was better and just got better each day after. Now, she is totally herself and completely fine! I can already tell she breathes better while sleeping. She can breathe in deeply without waking up, and she no longer wheezes! We have yet to see about her cough not lasting as long when she gets sick, but I have a feeling it won't. For me, I definitely think it was worth it.

If you know that getting your child's tonsils out would be beneficial, I would recommend doing it as young as you can for them, because compared to all of the teenager's and adult's stories of recovery, hers was A CINCH. Children heal so much more quickly and don't have to go to work or school. 

What's Taking Over Your Life---and it's not Facebook

This is hard to write (gulp), because I am SO guilty of it. But, once I recognized it, I had to call it out for what it was---a goal destroyer, a dream basher, and relationship duller...Netflix was and is a lot of things for everyone---a "get your mind off of everything" network, a "movie night" at-home-thing, a "life is hard so I'm gonna binge watch while eating potato chips and drinking healthy shakes" producer...the point is...Netflix IS those last three things I just stated, but just like everything else we let become a part of our life, it has had unintentional consequences, and they haven't been the good kind.

First, let me sing my Ode to Netflix.

Netflix Netflix Netflix, King of my soul!
It's so so lovely how you make me forget
the ugly parts of the human soul
that I read about too much on Facebook.
Netflix Netflix Netflix, you are the
"I want to sit and do absolutely nothing" dream
fulfiller,
you are the
"I'm bored" children's phrase killer.
You are the, "we are poor and don't trust anyone to babysit anyways"
date night giver.
Netflix Netflix Netflix,
so why is it that you have to be so bad for my liver!?

So, yeah. liver doesn't make sense, but I was DONE with that ode.

The truth is, I still love Netflix, but we are moving are relationship status from "Engaged" to "In an open relationship"/"It's complicated"(who seriously uses those status' btw? If you need to use that, end it girlfriend!)

I love finding a show that I love to watch. It gives me something to look forward to. But, then I realized that there are so many more things in life that I should be looking more forward to than a show. My Man helped me realize that without even trying because he'd generally much rather do something productive(like try to get our HAM radio licenses) than watch a show. And, whenever I'm like "Hey, wanna put on a show?" He normally says sure, but I can tell he just let every productive goal for the night go out the window because wifey over here is done with the day. I don't want to be that wifey (except, sometimes I do.)

When I don't turn on a show the second the girls go to bed, I feel more like being myself and building my character with the things that I actually care about and am interested in, and I think Netflix (hand in hand with FB) have done a FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC job of helping each individual of our society forget what they like to do in their spare time. I think it has helped people forget what relationships are supposed to be like. And, I'm not saying stopping watching Netflix with your significant other is going to make your relationship THAT much more way fun or something, because honestly it's probably not going to. When I don't do a show, I usually clean, or blog (duh) or sit on the couch and stress out AND tell myself not to stress out (SO much more productive than watching a show while stressing out and never telling myself to stop stressing out!) or color in my cool owl coloring book, or eat good food, or do random other things that I would have never otherwise done. But, what I can say it has done is made our relationship more healthy. Why? Because I have been feeling happier because I have been feeling more productive and I have been dreaming more about things I want to do and I have been remembering that I want to pursue certain passions. And, let's not forget that even though in marriage you "become as one", there are definitely still two individuals in the "oneness", and each of those individuals will make the other individual happier by being happier themselves. My Man loves me more when he sees me get excited about things I love, and go after them.  And him being such a great example of that to me, is the very reason I love him so much.

I want to reiterate that I love Netflix and Netflixing, and YES the fact that I am writing this might strongly correlate with the fact that I don't have a good show series to watch right now, but, I am thankful, people! Let's not forget who we are and that each of us actually have interests outside of the acting world. Life is FOR REAL, so let's live it.

You Know Life Is Good When...#3

You know life is good when ...

your number two kiddo is potty trained!

We're going places over here people.

Literally.

Without diapers packed.

The Backyard Chicken Series: Part 4-Housing the Hens+The Big Suprise

If you are behind on this series, check out parts 1, 2 and 3.

Did you like the "housing the hens"? Becuase I did. Housing your little hens for the first month or so can be a little complicated depending on where you live and what you have available. We live in a 4-plex currently (soon to change maybe...?), but our landlord is awesome and so it wasn't a big deal to him that we needed to have the chicks inside our home for about a month or so. We have used multiple boxes to give them the needed space as they have grown---and they sure do grow FAST. Still as cute as from the beginning though.

The larger box on the left is the one they lived in for about a week or two. They were still so small and so it worked fine. Great memories of them passing out in that little box, necks stretched out, legs straight out backs, wings out, laying right flat on their tummies! Nature is so so beautiful and brings so much happiness when it is happy itself.

You might think this is messy, but this is after just a day :) We clean it daily.

This is what we moved them into when they started to get some feathers in. They were already so much bigger! Plus, they were sick of being in the light, even if it was the dark infrared one. They really loved this one the best I think, because they felt like they had two rooms as options ha ha. The warm room with the light on, and the cooler room with the light off. They loved sleeping in the room with the light off of them ( No wondering why).

This is the last box they lived in. They were in here for about a week, and currently still sleep in it at night because it is still pretty close to freezing sometimes at night. They haven't fully got their head feathers in so I don't want them being outside yet (because I'm overprotective). Now, with them being inside at night, we also don't have the light on anymore so they will be getting used to the cooler night temperatures.This box was a bit bigger than the other two combined. Most importantly we were able to tape the flaps up because the chicks were starting to fly out of the box. As you can see, even with the flaps up we needed to put lids on top (plastic bin lids and cooling racks from the kitchen so the heat would still go in and not melt the lids) because they started to even fly out of those high walls! They definitely get itchy to be outside.

(update:they are sleeping outside now! such big chickies)

Side note: Some people may say, oh you don't have to get this nice light or that nice coop or this and that or grab them nicely or give them good food or keep them that warm. And it's true. You don't have to do anything special or nice or considerate for them. God made them durable animals, and they can survive pretty rough stuff. But, if you  do treat them nice and be considerate, and develop a respect for them and for their fulfilling 100% of their measure of creation, they will love you. And nothing is more beautiful than a part of mother nature loving you, because it makes you feel complete.

Okay, now the business is done, time for the big surprise.
We bought straight run chickens, which means there is 90% possibility they are females and a 10% chance they are not. After we noticed our lovely little yYang (Barred Rock chicken) bossing all the other little chicks around and getting on top of anything high that it could, we have concluded that she is actually a he! WE HAVE A ROOSTER! We originally didn't want one because we obviously wouldn't be allowed to keep him. But, now that we MIGHT be moving to somewhere new...we might get to keep that little buddy :) Time will tell. But we sure love him and all his protectiveness over his little women hens.

After Teaching

After teaching class at church, I come home exhausted and not wanting to be with people. I always wonder why, since I always feel the love of the Savior at church, and especially when I teach. I used to feel like I was depressed when I came home, but depression isn't it. I would more say it is this emotional spiritual exhaustion. I am not scripture master. No gospel master. All I have is my thoughts and experiences and my feelings, and a lot of people would just write those off in today's kind of society, but they are what I hold closest to truth in my mind and life. I hold them right up against my heart, against my soul. They are truth, to me. So instead of scripture and knowledge and gospel doctrine, I just teach with what I have. I wish I could know the scriptures better, and the gospel at its core, and one day I will---line upon line. But, since what I feel and I experience is really the only knowledge I have other than the basic knowledge of the gospel and its teaching, I give my sisters in the gospel all of that. I unload on them. All of my thoughts and feelings. Wrong. Not all of my thoughts and feelings. Probably like 1/3 of them, and it is exhausting. Normally those parts of myself are for people closest to me, and even then, not even them. But, it's my calling so I do it. I feel like within that one hour of teaching, my spirit and emotions have the most intense workout of the week and this insane unload, that by the time I get home, I'm too exhausted to feel anything the rest of the day. I have to soak in what I learned from the lesson and from the class and from the spirit. And then come to terms with everything I have to work on and how much I hate getting in front of people, teaching them about things I suck at and that I struggle with everyday. I wish someone else could do it. And one day, someone else will. But for now, I think I can handle my once a month calling---only because Christ and Heavenly Father want me to.

Spring Cleaning(the kid friendly way)

Spring is in the air, along with insanely bad allergies. I'm not gonna lie though, the beauty surpasses the misery when it comes down to it. My allergies are bad enough to make me feel sick, but not bad enough (right now) to wish spring gone. Another thing that comes hand in hand with the things listed above, is spring cleaning! Yay. I never knew I loved (and could become obsessed with) cleaning so much, until my house was constantly a mess from the girlies, and seeing it sparkly clean if even for just an hour is a high that I will always continue to seek out. So what's the mean? Cleaning cleaning and more cleaning. Spring air always makes people want to clean. I wonder why?

I love natural things that I know won't be killin' off my kids brain cells at a high rate. I also love doing a good high-chemical clean out every once in a while because sometimes chemicals just work so much dang better than a natural cleaner to clean off that stained glass stove-top. Am I right? Yes, I AM. But, like I said earlier, most of the time and especially when the girlies are around, I use natural cleaners and I love them because they don't make any of us get headaches or feel sick and because they smell yum-o. There is a brand that I have been wanting to buy because the scents just sound so delicious, but I don't feel like paying the prices for them yet, especially because I haven't done an ingredient check to see if it's even that natural. So, before I go spending money on something that is advertised as natural and smells really good, I want to actually know it's natural. But, I really do want to buy the cleaners in all the scents they have! Check out the site to see if you're interested at mrsmeyers.com.Until that good day comes( and probably after it) I just make my own. I kind of make up the recipe different each time just based off of other ones I have checked out. This is a citrus and vinegar based cleaner. So it is great in the kitchen but not so great on woods (but I use it on wood all of the time...). I also like to add some peppermint oil to it sometimes, just because I'm obsessed with peppermint. It's refreshing, opening, calming and pleasing to the taste!

Ingredients:
quart mason jar with lid
white vinegar
peel of 1 full orange
1 lime halved or quartered (skin on)
water
peppermint(optional)
2-3 spray bottles(I get the largest ones I can from the dollar store)

Directions:
Fill the mason jar about halfway up with vinegar(or a little less). Drop in the fruit in (I like to squish the fruit up a bit with my hands to release some of the oils) and then fill it up the rest of the way with water.Let it sit for about a day. Take the lid off and take your spray bottles and fill them up with the mixture. Depending on how concentrated you want it (and how vinegar-y smelling you want it) fill each bottle about halfway up. I usually fill up about three spray bottles with my quart jar, and then fill the rest of the spray bottle up with some more water to dilute it again. It's up to you! Spray away and don't worry about any headaches or the killing of kids' brain cells or killing too many germs, thus creating, dun dun dun--- THE SUPER GERM. Happy spring cleaning.

Beauty Sickness TED talk---my reaction

First, watch this. It's fifteen minutes. If you don't have time, everything below will still make sense.
Beauty Sickness TED talk
I really liked this. I am so sick of "beautiful" and "pretty" and the self-obsession our society breeds. I know it because I am a product of it. The only thing I disagree with that she says is to stop telling our girls they are pretty. Like she says in the beginning, wanting to be pretty is fine. Women naturally seek to be accepted for their features and feel "beautiful". Little girls are the same and will grow up the same---seeking that assurance that they are beautiful to the ones they most love.If they don't find that assurance or feel it at home---they will think something is wrong and go somewhere else for it. The important thing is to place the most emphasis on their other qualities---kindness, courage, patience, humility, willingness to forgive etc...AND to explain to them the reasons we do things.IE getting dressed to go to the store and doing their hair. My daughter always asks me "why".Instead of saying "because we can't go to the store looking messy" or "because we need to look good to go to the store" I say "It is because we need to keep ourselves clean. We need to brush our hair to keep it clean and healthy because we love our hair." We need to change our clothes to keep them and ourselves clean and use them for what they are for(pajamas-sleeping, play clothes-playing and everyday use, dresses-church or special events) because we are lucky to have so much clothes for so many different things. Beauty comes from caring enough about your body to take care of it and love it for what it is---not what it looks like.

on another note....

Every body has a different idea of what "taking care of your body and caring for it" means. To me, it means attempting to eat healthy, it means working out and being able to do the daily tasks with ease AND progress past those tasks towards athletic accomplishments (quicker mile, heavier weights, faster sprint, higher jump). The "AND" is added on there because I like athletic activities and games. I have fun doing it...it is a hobby of mine. It also means keeping up with hygiene and being okay with myself without any make-up on a daily basis. It means appreciating my bones and my muscles and everything they let me do. But, what I listed above is not the case for everyone.

Everyone cares for their body in different ways. Fitness is not a enjoyable hobby for everyone. Some people care for their bodies by keeping clean, eating healthy, mentally complimenting themselves. All of these things are great. But, I also feel like there is a trend settling in. First, let me say I strongly believe in ALWAYS loving yourself. No matter what. What I don't agree with is saying that you love your body enough the way it is, and then not caring for it. "I eat everything in the world that I want and I love my body" "I don't eat anything at all, and I finally love my body" "I never lift a foot or a weight, and I love my body" "I never brush my hair or keep myself clean, but I love myself for me" "I am always thinking negative things about my body and comparing it to others, but I really do love my body". Like I said, you should always love yourself for you. You should always love your body---it is THE BEST! But, sacrifice breeds love. And, if everyone truly loved their bodies, I think they would take more time to care for them, in the way they decide is right for them. But, neglecting them of the things they need to thrive (healthy foods, exercise, cleanliness, mental praise and positive thoughts) is the furthest thing from accepting and loving your body for what it is and what it can do for you in return.

on another note...

TIME. Time gets in the way of everything. Do the best you can to care for your body, in the way you can. Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't. If you can't eat well because you are at work all of the time and you have kids and LIFE and can't make good lunches all of the time, try to workout and keep clean and keep your thoughts on yourself positive. If you really just can't get exercise into the schedule consistently, try to eat healthy and keep clean and have positive thoughts. If you just can't seem to do pretty much ANY of those things at this time (because you have a baby and everyone in your house has been sick for pretty much a month) then keep your thoughts positive and work in baby steps towards the time that you will be able to do things again. Never give up. Always keep trying. The time will come and you will be ready for the new challenges!

Rant over. Hopefully the point of this post was obvious. Loving yourself=Taking care of yourself. It is a never ending goal very worth striving for. What do you think about beauty and caring for our bodies?

So, You Want To Get Married...

Want to know something amazing? I married the perfect guy. Seriously, for me I did. So, why is that so amazing? Well, it's amazing because I never once, I can honestly say, did I date the type of guy that I wanted to marry. I strongly believe that we can all be happy with multiple people, and different types of people at that. But, I also believe that you can find greater happiness with certain character types more than other character types. And, if you're single, I am here to tell you, you might just want to take a look at what kinds of people you are interested in and have been dating, and re-consider if they would make you happiest. I think that some people have very few facets to their personality, like my husband for example. And having few facets in no way is a bad thing. Having few facets means that no matter who you are around or what circumstances you are under, your character pretty much stays the same. Of course there will be differences in character depending on circumstances, but your general character will stay the same. My husband for example, there really is no "other side" to him. What you see is what you get, which is what I love. I on the other hand, I have so many facets, and those facets can be easily fed. So, depending on who I would date, a different facet would be fed. My creative self would be fed with other creative personality types. My rocker grunge music self would be fed with other grungy personality types. My actively engaged good mormon personality type is fed around others of the same personality type. My humble quiet part of myself could be fed with other similar personality types. My argumentative proud domineering personality facet fed with similar personality types...you get the point. So, I had a lot of choices of who I could be. The main question was, who did I want to be? Twenty years down the road, what facets did I want to become strong characteristics? And, not just who did I want to be, but how did I want my family to be?

Dating is horrible. I hated it. Probably part of that reason is that I always became emotionally involved with and dated people that I never felt right about considering for marriage. I loved them, I cared about them (too much, as usual), I wanted them to be happy, and so I stayed with them even though in all reality I knew I didn't want to marry them and I never felt right about even considering it. My dating while simultaneously trying to figure out what type of person I actually wanted to marry caused a lot of misunderstandings and hurt---as I am sure is the case for most everyone. I will say, though, that I finally was able to realize that I needed to change what type of relationships I sought after, because none of mine seemed to be working out for the long term. I started getting the idea that maybe I was looking at the wrong sorts of guys as I prepared for my mission for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Just a week before heading to the missionary training center, from where I would then leave to serve the people of Belem, Brazil, I got engaged to My Man. We hadn't dated at all, and planned our wedding for the end of July. It was May when we got engaged. Needless to say, it was really really fast. But, here we are (almost) five years later, and things are still going good. Not good---GREAT. Why? Why is it going great if we didn't even date and you could say we barely knew each other. I think there is a multitude of reasons, but these are the main ones:
Divine intervention: Seriously. I know it. With how things were going and then the way things worked out, I feel I owe it to Heavenly Father that I got My Man.

We fed the right facets for each other: My Man and I had known each other for quite a few years, we just had never been great friends or dated. I more hung out with his friends he lived with and he more hung out with my best friend I lived with. We had hung out solo a couple of times and knew pretty well of each other. The funny thing is that we both say now, that we never would have gotten married had we dated, because when we were dating we had such a wrong state of mind. Dating is completely different from marriage. My Man wanted a girl he could have fun with all the time who was adventurous, who didn't value money much, and who could stay up really late (haha). I wanted someone who went to bed at nine like I always wanted to, someone who knew what they wanted to do in life, someone who was dominant and proud, someone who loved music and working out, and someone that I could have fun with. What I realized is that guy doesn't exist. Every guy would only have a few of those characteristics. Same with My Man, he could never seem to find a girl who liked to have fun and didn't really value money or set out plans. I would have hated dating him---his reckless business ventures and money spending on hopeful projects, his staying up until two a.m. and then deciding it was a perfect time to go sledding (torture). And, he would have hated dating me---my boring-ness (if you consider not wanting to sled at 2 a.m. boring...), my desire to argue all of the time, etc. When we both felt like we should get married, I felt all of the facets of my character that I wanted to become my character being fed by him. He brought out my humility and patience: i.e. he would stop talking to me if I started arguing too loud and heated. He brought out my faith: i.e. wanting to start businesses when we have no money ;)And he brought back my hopes and dreams of owning animals and being self sufficient and growing our own food, etc...things I had highly valued since I was a child. And I brought out facets of his character that he liked:.....................Okay, so obviously I'm the one who married up hahaha.

The point is this, my entire time dating, I wanted someone who reminded me of my father and all of his loud characteristics---the air he had about him that says to everyone " I am strong, I am smart, I am my own man, I am awesome, and so on. There were two problems with that. One, I never acknowledged that core characteristics of my dad that led the creation of the air.Two, my dad raised be to be like him. My quiet characteristics are of my mother, and my louder ones stem from my dad. Both are good things, as long as they are balanced. Dating a guy like my dad always created clashing. I always argued with the guys I dated, and never felt sure I could really trust them. Which I always felt was weird, because I knew 1 million percent and 1 million times over I could trust my dad had my best at heart.

When I got engaged to My Man and got to know him so closely in those few months we were engaged, my decision was only further confirmed, and he is the reason I was able to realize what those core characteristics were of my father that I had actually been searching for in a man.

Growing up, my dad did everything. He fixed our cars, changed our tires, fixed the leaking ceiling, installed cabinets and toilets and our entire kitchen, tiled our kitchen floor, cleaned up basement floods, mowed the lawn, cut down trees, planted new ones, installed new sinks, fixed the old ones, fixed our washers and dryers, made the money, cooked good food(sometimes), dreamed businesses, fixed our bikes that broke, like I said, everything. The only time I ever remember a guy coming to our house was a carpet installer. That is the only time I remember any guy coming to do something at our house. My dad did all of the rest himself. He loved working with his hands and he was good at it. He loved dreaming, and he was good at it. He loved learning, and he was good at it. Everything my dad decided to do, he did. Hands down, and he was almost always successful. There was a reason he always had that air about himself---he created it. He had always believed in himself, so no one could tell him, "No, you can't." A lot of the guys I dated had the tip of the iceberg, but not everything else beneath it.

My Man has everything beneath the iceberg AND the tip, and he is quiet and humble which balances out my loudness and pride(pride for what, I don't know). He can do anything, and he always has complete and utter belief in himself and what he can do. Getting to know him felt so fresh and normal, I had seen his characteristics so many times throughout my life, that I already felt at home with him. Once I saw those characteristics, I knew God had blessed me when he told me I should stay and marry My Man instead of go on my mission. The whole time I was prepping for my mission was actually a period of change I needed  to go through to be ready for marriage---otherwise My Man and I would have never worked out because I was too crazy (fer real).

So, after telling me story, I just want you to consider,
who have you been dating? Are you sure they are the right type of character you want? Do they feed the facets in you that you want to become your character?

Do you like louder people? Have you ever considered a quiet one?
Do you like funny people? Have you ever considered someone more serious?
Do you like people that have a plan? Have you ever considered someone who might not have one, but twenty different plans?
Do you like people who act tough? Have you ever considered someone who acts humble?
Do you like people who work out? Have you ever considered maybe someone who eats healthy but doesn't work out as much?
Do you want someone with a emotional and creative mind? Have you considered one who is more emotionally stable and who is more logical? (math and science type instead of english and history type...)

These are all things I thought were important in the guy I wanted, and then the characteristics of the man I actually ended up marrying (but he is funny too, not just serious. He's also very creative)

So, my advice to you, single person who is wanting to get married, is to re-consider your "list" for the person you want to marry and also re-consider the "list" that you have for yourself.Make sure you have all the characteristics that create the base of the iceberg, not just the tip, and same with the person you are considering for marriage. Change things up a bit on those lists, and life might end up working out better for you than you had always planned. Because plans are over rated anyways (that's what My Man taught me, and continues to teach me).

***This was written based off of myself and My man. You and your whoever else might be different so apply the same idea but more appropriate to you and that whoever else.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The title of this post, "So, You Want To Get Married" is also the title of a book my dad wrote and published. This book explains five main points you need to deeply consider and talk about with your future spouse if you want to have a successful marriage. These five points help make sure you are both on the same page spiritually, physically, financially, and goal-wise(family and careers). They are also five points to keep in mind even throughout the dating stage. The five points are compared to each finger on your hand, so they make sense and are easy to remember. If you or anyone else you know are looking to get married, read this book, you(and they) won't regret it! So, You Want To Get Married by Nick Sanchez.

You Know Life Is Good When...#2

You know life is good when every time you tell your kiddo that you are out of something or that they can't have it, they say in broken words" go buy it". I.e.

"Mom. Yogurt. Me."
"Sorry Cy, we don't have any yogurt"
"Doe buy it"

"Mom, soda---soda----soda"
"Sorry Cy, you can't have soda right now."
"Yes. Doe. Buy it."

"Mom.Leche leche."
"Sorry Cy, we ran out of leche(milk) yesterday."
"Doe buy some."

Livin' the rich life over here ya'll, and the girlies know it.

(But for real)

Down With The Sickness

This is the second post in a row that I am doing that's title is the name of a song...Road Trippin' by my favvvvvvv the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and now Down With The Sickness by Disturbed (explicit). Have you heard them yet? If not, listen. They're not for the light of heart though...really. Anyways, if you don't feel like listening to them you could read my piece Roadtrippin'!

These past three weeks, wow. Let me just say, wow. It has been a bit insane. First, my oldest getting a bit feverish one day, my allergies going BIZarre, also felt some thrush coming on, my iron dropping WAY too low (my fault), THEN my oldest got pink eye. kajsdfioerjasdkj. Curse pink eye. I want it to die forever! I was really hoping it would be gone by the weekend so we could still take a trip like we were planning to, and I thought it was gone. So then we did go on our trip, and day after we got there, My Man and I woke up sick, and my youngest woke up with pink eye. COOL (not). So, we decided that we were going to go home that same day. Not a fun thing to decide on your trip! So, now we are home, three days later, and My Man and I are still trying to get over our sore throats (oh so sore!) and this morning, my middle girly woke up with pink eye AND sick. It all just keeps going round and round. I truly truly believe that I am going to wake up in the morning with pink eye. Today, it finally happened, the words came to my mind, "get down with the sickness". WHO KNEW DISTURBED COULD BE SO WISE!?not me. But in this case they are.

Do you mommas out there feel me? With so many people in a house, sickness goes around like crazy. And I feel like most of the time I am just waiting, every second of every day, waiting for that sickness to leave. But, NOT TODAY. Today, I decided to get down with the sickness. I am going into full sickness mode. I am going into extra patience mode for the whining and sleepless night. I am going into hand-washing mode for the thirty hand-washing's I will do in a day (no joke.). I am going into keeping everything tidy even though I am so tired mode, because I can't live in a nasty humid sick pit for weeks on end. Ladies, I am getting down with the sickness. How do you guys get down with it? What helps you get through the weeks of hell(o operator, please give me number 9, and if you disconnect me...). You get the idea.

Roadtrippin'

Oh the memories. Eight people in a muggy big blue van. The mattress in the back. The sunsets, the sunrises. The blasting music---Chicago. The blasting wind---"ewwww, who was that!?" Eight hour drives, twelve hour drives. Oh the memories.

And now, it's me and My Man's turn. Five people in a muggy blue camry. The games---
"I spy with my little eye...something.....blue!"
"The Sky!"
"You got it!"

"I spy with my little eye...something....brown and green!"
"That tree!"
"You got it!"

" I spy with my little eye...something...black and yellow!"
"The street!"
"You got it!

The songs---
"Everyone together now! A B C D E F G H I J K L ...."
"I am a child of God!"
"I looked out the window and what did I see? Popcorn..."

The counting---
"1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLAST OFF!!!"

The questions---
1 min. into drive "Mom how long do we have to drive for?
5 min. into drive "Mom, I'm bored"
8 min. into drive "Stop touching me Cy! Mom she keeps touching me!"
12 min into drive "Mom are we almost there?"

The whining---
"But I'm hungryyyy. "
"But I have to peeeeee."
"Why do you keep talking to dad?"
"Talk to me!"
"My stomach doesn't feel good."

NAP TIME---Finally.
The music. The crying. The sunsets. The nodding heads of in-and-out sleep. Two hour drives, four hour drives---nothing compared to what my family took on.

Roadtrippin' with the little ones is hard. Very hard. And a lot of the time I find myself dreading the dead hours of driving. But I want those memories so badly for them, and hopefully as they get older it will get better, the conversation will get better, the laughing will be hardier, the parenting more minimal, the music louder, the singing louder.

Any memories worth making need to be worked for and deserved. Having a happy family is hard, it is work, it is patience. Seems like roadtrippin' for the next few years is going to be a great place to practice and learn all of that.

The Backyard Chicken Series: Part 3-Breeds

Yin (barred rock) the other, not pictured, is Yang

*if you missed the first two parts, read them here and here :)
Our chickens are just making us fall more in love with them every day. From the way they throw their little legs back and sleep on their belly to the way they are starting to practice flying around and scratching. Love them! It is nice remembering the reasons why I always loved them when I was little. And, it is even better seeing my little girls develop that same love for them :)

I thought it might be helpful telling what breeds we got, why, and what other breeds you might be interested in if you are considering getting chickens some day! (do it.)

We had originally planned on getting 2 ameraucanas, 2 white leghorns, and 2 bantam silkies. My Man and I had finalized these breeds in our minds after I talked to my uncle, who has a great love and care for chickens, about which chickens he thought were good layers and also good with kids (physically and aesthetically).

He told me the White leghorns (the classic yellow fluffy chick) grow to be white, and they are the main breed used in the commercial production of eggs, because they are the most consistent in laying. I wanted two have at least two pretty consistent layers.

Ameraucanas are another breed he recommended for multiple reasons. They are pretty consistent layers, they come in different colors and patters and kids like them because they lay blue-ish green-ish eggs. Kids like that :)

The Bantam Silkies are the dream chicks of mine since I was little. I have always wanted silkies.  Because they are pretty much moving puff balls that lay mini eggs. They come in beautiful colors(black, dark blue and white). And, because they are so dang fluffy, like I already said. Bantam silkies, are mini silkies. You can get a regular sized or mini. I thought these would also be fun for the girls because they are smaller (easier to hold and not as intimidating) and because they lay small eggs (though, they are not very consistent layers). The girls have had small eggs before and they loved eating them!

So, those are the chicks we had planned on getting. But, we didn't end up getting those! Ha. Mainly it is because after checking with a friend about the chick shipment schedule at the local IFA, the chicks we wanted weren't coming in on the same dates. Also, the Silkie Bantams were not guaranteed female (and I guess they never are). Since we don't want a rooster right now, we outed the Bantam Silkies :( My childhood dream chick will have to wait.

We GOT:
2 araucanas
2 barred rock
2 rhode island reds

Araucanas: because that is all they would be getting. No ameraucanas coming in.Amercaucanas actually stem from the araucana breed. So, they are pretty similar chickens. Araucanas also lay blue eggs, and they also have insanely fluffy cheeks! Seriously. We got Tranch, a little brown one, and Creamy, a little yellow cream colored one. I adore them.

Barred Rock: These grow up to be black and white striped, but they are black as little chicks. Ours are just now starting to show some white! They are the most consistently mellow of all of the chicks, for now! And the girls like that. They are go-to's for holding.

Rhode Island Red: I had a bunch of these growing up and remembered them having a bit of an attitude. When I looked it up, my search confirmed what I had thought. Something I read said they are a breed that has a little more trouble getting along with other breeds. When I went to the store to buy the chicks, I asked the girl about them being a little bit more tough, and she said that no, they are actually the most mellow of all the chicks. Well, my memories and researched proved my initial thoughts correct. They are definitely are spiciest :) And we love 'em for it. The girls had a harder time with them at the beginning, but they have gotten really good at holding them and learning to get them to relax (sometimes).

So, we didn't end up with what we had originally planned, but we seriously love all the ones we got! Couldn't be happier.

Just missing the other little black one!

Creamy :) (auracana)

Tranch :) (araucana)

Little Tranch has no idea the deadly danger a hands-length away!

Ruby(rhode island red :))

I love seeing their little feathers coming out! Comment with any questions.